What Will Be Revealed in Michael Jackson’s Autopsy Special?

michael-jackson, celeb-jihad

Michael Jackson fans are up in arms about a documentary slated to air, entitled Michael Jackson’s Autopsy: What Really Killed Michael Jackson. Despite the fact that the autopsy results have been public knowledge for over 18 months, it stands to reason that the only reason they would deem this program to be a further invasion of privacy was if it held new information about what was going on in Michael Jackson’s body at the time of his death.

So what was going on with Michael Jackson at the time of his death? We don’t know, but we CAN make educated guesses. So here they are:

  • A large intestine completely packed with glitter
  • A large tattoo encompassing his entire back that simply stated “I AM EO”
  • Macauley Culkin’s innocence
  • A boot with label “Property of Joe Jackson” firmly impacted in Michael’s rectum.
  • Two pounds gummi cherries, unchewed
  • A belly button, untreated by bleach, still retaining Jackson’s original “brown” coloring
  • A liver ravaged by the effects of Jesus Juice

Of course, this is all conjecture. There’s an equally likely chance that when Jackson was autopsied, a shit-ton of jelly beans just spilled out everywhere and that was the end of it.